So a couple things have happened in the past week. Wed..Annie came over to cook her meal at Pats. Aparently all she had to do was make something, eat it, then write about it. Perfect, we cooked together and it turned out great. Pat sliced up tamatoes and gave us stringed green beans with an avacado w/ sour cream! Delish! Then for desert we had pinapple and orange poundcake with whoopcreme and sliced strawberrys. I was playing with annie when i sprayed some whoop cream on her shirt and almost got her nipple when she grabbed it back and sprayed my whole face. it was stuck there long gone i had it in my eyelashes. Pat then said anytitme we want we could use his pool and jaccusy.

Then that Sat. she invited me to go bowling again, this time with her best friend and this guy joe. i had a lot of fun and i was bowling a lot better. Annie broke 100 with 124 Daymn!

Then I came in to see her at work where my friend was managing, i bought a pizza then we went into the "party" room which has no cameras and made out a bit which was ! awesome.

This sunday we will be heading to scott's run to see the waterfall. hopefully all goes well and we can finally snuggle

I believe I am falling for this girl and I over-stand this. She is so pretty and funny and outgoing and smiling, and extremely attractive. We met last Sunday and she said she hasn't stop thinking about me since then. I am mad falling head over heels. I really like her. a lot. She has these dark eyes hazel perhaps. with perfect symmetry. Shes tall long legs Mmm. Reads a lot, is very cute. Killer. Her hair is wavy and splenderful. She got me into harry potter and i think its funny how harrys hair keeps growing out even when his aunt trys to cut it off. My heart twangy like a rubberband, she stretches it and molds it and has it tasseled around her fingers.

...

Ive been looking at her facebook photos, she has over 2,000, and she is urber cute. In other news the cashier at walgreens has been giving me the eye, she has a unibrow, but shes still cute and today i was bagging up my grocieries and she said havea good weekend and i said you too and she knocked over some items. She said it was because of me. i thought it was funny. I visited my friends Pat Pep and Nancy. Patrick gave me a roussou watch that is extremely nice, i gave him the power of now which saved my life.

Tonight i went out with annie, we ate at fuckruders and played some videogames then went to bowling alley and danced and a little romance - we made a bet if i win we make out sloppy, if she wins we make out normal, she won. went to get some coffee at firehouse listened to the band, got some coffee, then made it out finally it was awesome. then took her home at a red light she said "want to know how to make red lights go faster?" we made out some more, then i took her home. THE NIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS!

Annie asked me to help her make a meal for her class and i think im going to make a broccli quiche. hopefully everything goes well.

I wonder if heaven got a ghetto. - 2pac. I've been seeing a lot of coexist bummerstickers. I'm praying and feeling the inner body which is a form of meditation. Im thinking dialectically and my dreams are coming true. the dreams have come true. So many good thinks have happend to me recently; everyday is a miracle you know? and i know that i am still with uncle phil and grandma mac. Loving is where its at and what i got is love so i love you.

2/4/12

I am lonely, an outcast, an alien, I am where the eye does not see. I have 4 months and 14 days sober. I had anxiety attacks but since being on klonapin again I feel fine. Screwed up a relationship with a girl at work. Came on too strong. However in my opinion she led me on, flirting @ work and giving me her number. I am tired, I havnt been going to the gym, but I did play lax with an awesome friend, game on! Game on! Haah. I found a new music that I love. Hindi female singers. Alka yagnik. I feel like traveling cross country and getting some ink done. Time and space are still illusions. You and I are still one. One love. I finished my fourth step.

Its as almost as if I've been putting this off for a while and I just want to be honest. I am grateful. Thank you.

I am indifferent. "I never acted cool, it was impractical" - eminem. Everybody wants to rule the world. Or at least their world. Thy will be done, not mine. I havn't been to a meeting in a while so thats while I dont feel so healthy. However work will get that off my mind. I might head out early today to get some acne relief pads. I am sick to hear that the owner of megaupload got 50 years in prison. I dont even know if thats true or not but MEDIA should be FREE to the FREE. Is that freedom or what. I'm not going to even say anything about how there is a War on Drugs and a War on Terror. Occupy the streets is more like Occupy your minds. "Go to hell if what your thinking isnt right, the Love would never leave us alone, the darkness must come out to light." - Bob Marley. I pray as marley did that everyone in the world live in harmony. Could you be loved?

I am on my second stint of recovery. I almost had 3 years and then I lost track of the fellowship started marijuana maintenance. I feel like i needed this kick in the rear. I was going to start my steps over eventually i knew it i was just getting stagnant. I realize now i am an addict as well as an alcoholic. My blues name is sleepy dog blue. Whatever that means.

I am so content with my life right now. I have all of my needs and some of my wants. Thats the way it should be. The way is inside. Not outside. I feel a weight on me, but its just a matter of time until its lifted because emotions do not tell us who we are. Just as thoughts don't matter. Just as space and time are illusions. I am not Peter d, 24, of fairfax va, who works at marlin and rays. I am spirit. I am a spec of consciousness out of the collective consciousness. Life is but a dream and my dream has come true over and over again, always Now. It is the isness and suchness and I am grateful to be alive.

I have so much love and a love that i want to spread as a deejay I pray today for a bright holiday.

It snowed today!

So tonight my roomate is keeping me awake playing Stained - Its been awhile "since i fucked things over" because I killed the electricity for the second time in the whole house. Everyone else works and i dont so they had to set their alarm clocks.

There is a lot I have to touch on. Ed the bass player doesnt want to be in the band, he wants to focus on his carrier. I am looking for jobs, 1 application a day. I might start bumping them up as time goes by. I am living in an Oxford House, after my plans to move in with a friend went down the drains. Then my dad (miss communication) passively told me he didnt want me living at his house. I was staying there less than a week, so i left went outside called my mom pissed off. I woke her up and started going off about my dad and she was half asleep and crying; told me what to say, so I go to see my dad and tell him "i'll have my bags packed and be out of here by tommorow and im going to sleep." All my dad could say was "that was fast." So I went to my room and had the first thought about drinking alcohol in 3 years. I left and started making phone calls, when my friend mentioned that I had the obsession to drink I told, "hmm drink, that doesnt sound like a bad idea i have a car and gas and tons of money" I also said "I feel so fucked up on the inside that I would like to jump in front of a car just so my physical body is align with my emotional pain" and then after talking to my sponsor, I prayed the serenity, lords prayer and a prayer to stay sober and for all my family and the whole time im crying my eyes out. My nose was filled with SNOT (i also cried to foo fighters - times like these a couple days before because of the lyrics "its times like these we learn to LIVE AGAIN, times like these we GIVE AND GIVE AGAIN, its times like these we learn to LOVE AGAIN, its times like these TIME AND TIME AGAIN.) Afterwards I talked to another alcoholic who had me breathe several times until I felt a little better. then told me to pray to get to sleep.

After this I started having trouble trying to sleep but I got intouch with my doctor from florida and he bumped up my meds and i have been perfect since then. Still a little moody and not always having the "right thought" but with my sponsor I am attending meetings regularly and he said I was already working the first 3 steps; (i picked up my 2 month chip) He said just that I should wait another 30 days until we go over my fourth step, but that I could work on the first column if i wanted to.

I relapsed about a month or so ago, and my sobriety date is Nov 7. now. Although I never officially got my 3 year chip, I still have never touched a drop of alcohol. I was what we alcoholics like to call "Marijuana Maintenance" I had never heard marijuana talked about in an aa meeting in the 3 years I had been going until I went to pick up a white chip. I do understand it is using (mainly because its illegal?)

I hadnt had a thought of a drink until 2 weeks ago when my dad was asking when I'd (in my own words) get my shit together, get a job, and move out. What i found out is that this was a miscommunication because he thought that my mom and gandi were dropping me off because they couldnt deal with me. Nonetheless I moved from familys house to familys house and now ended up @ an oxford house.

Lately i have been complacent on finding a job. It just feels as if my whole body and mind weigh 10 pounds heavier whenever the thought of filling a job app comes up.

I miss my dog bob marley, aka robert downey jr, lobster bob. I taught him how to play soccer among other things and i feel sad writing about it now. He is my best friend. Always there for me.
So much fun. I learned to paddle surf with him while chasing coconuts. The list goes on. and so does my love for him.

When my dad said he wanted me out of the house, I left and called my mom hysterical, she woke up crying because i was saying "im gonna punch him in the face." She told me to tell him "ill have my thigns packed in the morning and leave that next morning." He looked around shocked and said to me "that was quick" This is when i went to my room, i had the first thought about a drink in 3 years. The next thing I did was what I was conditioned to do through A.A. I called several friends and they helped me through the situation. At first i was telling them i wanted to drink. Then I was telling them i wanted to jump in front of a car because that would make my physical pain match my emotional pain. I was told to pray (cried through the whole prayer) Then I was told to breath, which helped, then pray to god that i get some sleep.

I went to an alanon meeting one night, shared about how my mom first started going to alanon "for me." long before she had been going for my step-father andy. well then i guess i fast fowarded to the future because I said, how grateful i am for being able to live with both my step-father and my mom who are "recovered alcoholics." Personally I like to think you're never fully recovered. However I said they had 4 or 5 years and I was coming up with 3 years, andHow i am grateful for eveything, and that I pray on a constant basis. And that it came around now My sobriety keeps my parents sober and theirs- mine. I also mentioned I prayed all the time everywhere, in my room, with my parents, friends at work, driving. Anywase the point of the story is that I went to the subway next door, and this woman bought me 3 chocolate chip cookies and said how she "loved my share on being grateful" and that "i think gratetidude is very powerfull, and that everymornining I say a gratitdude for 5 people. you should try it." WHY NOT??!

So IvE bEeN GoINg ouT To ThE cLuB WiTh mY FriEnds- some guys I JUST met. For instance- I was playing the kavasutra guitar out front on the benches (i made 2 bucks) and theywere like sing a song to those girls walking by and, I freestyled one. Then the night before we were hitting on girls and they called me "pistol pete" unfortunately I shaved my head all the way with a 1 razor so I look like a skin head, but this one girl said she was "fat" outloud and i could hear it as i was walking away. I did an about-face turn and say did you just call yourself phat? and they were like what? i asked again. "yeah" she said, I quickly replied, "pretty hot and tempting?" hell yes. i gave her friend who was a larger black woman a high five, we sat down and talked. All my friends were like wtf did you say? haha then The last night, we all went out and couldnt bag one "whore." Anyywase it was fun cuz by the end of the night my friends had me cracking up at the pizza place, this guy sings and was on his knees to people in this small pizza shack at the top of his lungs some journey or some shit. LOL.

This is nice, I am listening to Essex Green - Our Lad in Havana. I feel good. have been working at Gulfstream Goodwill Industries for coming up 6 months now. I will leave 6 months later to travel home to Virginia. Those are my plans at least. iN aDitIONoN i am AlSo MeNTorIng AT Nami. @ Gulfstream I work with Developmentally Disabled Adults. Look it up if you have to. I have some of the best times working there. The staff is friendly and so are the participants. They crack me up sometime too. Its a lot of fun. I get to work with the personal trainer for half-the-day and its awesome.

I've been going out 'socializing'. At A.A. and Downtown West Palm Beach. The day after my doctor told me I need to go out and socialize more, I went to an AA meeting and met these people that introduced themselves and the next night we went out to FUN DEPOT. FUN DEPOT = batting cages, air hockey, skeeball, go-karts, laser-tag. In that order. I met a really attractive girl there. We were flirting but i didnt remember her name or get her #, so ive been going back to that same club to try and find her. I met a girl on Clematis St. one weekend after watching her dance and overhear her talking about playing guitar to a song the band was playing. I passed her when I was planning on leaving but then I made a quick u-turn asked her about it, stroked up a convo, invited me to a nudist resort, got her #, found out we live near eachother. So the next night we bike up meet up at the south bridge. We ride and talk then get to my house shes asking about all my family we go upstairs shes like "we gotta get nude." I was like, "okay" Then we chilled a litle, a-lex litle. Now we are back in the room and rubbing eachoher in a major way. We fall back on the bed making out and fondling one another, then she said "condom." In my head I said "F5ck" end of story we walked 3 blocks just to get the condoms, when we get home shes tired and nothing happens. Then she calls me next week when we planned to chill again. She excommunicates me. But She was bieng "positive" about it. WTF IS positive about Denying friendship. UGHHH. It kills me. She was also going to hook me up with the band that played that night. Now... I dont know. FCK GD DMIT. Okay I'm alright.

3 months until i get my 3 year chip in A.A.